Tu B’Av 5785: Holy and Wise Love Under the Eternal Moon. What It Takes to Make Love Last: Lessons from 26 Years of Marriage

Historical note: Tu b'Av begins Friday at sundown. Tu B’Av, the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Av, began as an ancient festival of love and joy. In the time of the Second Temple, young women dressed in white would dance in the vineyards of Jerusalem, and young men would come to meet them—an occasion of matchmaking and celebration. The Talmud calls Tu B’Av one of the happiest days of the year, alongside Yom Kippur. Over time, it faded from popular observance but has been revived in modern Israel and Jewish communities worldwide as a kind of Jewish Valentine’s Day—celebrating love, renewal, and the hope of partnership

On this Tu B’Av, the Jewish festival of love, I offer ten lessons drawn from 26 years of marriage. These are not universal truths—but they are deeply earned insights. Love that lasts is not accidental. It is sacred work.

1. Be Deliberate in Communication.

Speak carefully. Listen fully. Respond with intention, not reactivity.

2. Live Your Own Life.

A strong partnership is built by two whole people. Tend to your own soul, passions, and purpose.

3. Don’t Micromanage Each Other.

Trust allows space. Control suffocates. Respect your partner’s autonomy and competence.

4. Encourage Growth and Blooming.

Cheer your partner on as they evolve. Love should nourish transformation, not fear it.

5. Now Is Not Forever.

Every season—joyful or painful—will pass. Keep perspective. Be patient with time.

6. Create Your Own Family Culture.

You are not bound by the past. Break the patterns that don’t serve you. Build a home of your own design.

7. Always Speak with Love.

Words matter. Follow the wisdom of the Gottmans: no harsh startups, no contempt. Let love guide your language.

8. Covenant, Not Just Contract.

Love is a sacred agreement. Revisit it. Renew it. Refresh it. Choose each other again and again.

9. Make Home a Sanctuary of Peace.

Your home should be your refuge. Prioritize peace, beauty, and care in your shared space.

10. Lifelong Partnership Isn’t for Everyone—But It’s a Beautiful Path.

If it is your path, cherish it. Hold hands under the moon. Root in each other’s presence. Let your love echo through time and space.

This is holy love.